I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
