Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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