I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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