Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
