i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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