This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
