Your tits are I can't wait for
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Randomize
