worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
