Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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