Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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