And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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