Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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