The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
