mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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