She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
