found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
