she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
