We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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