My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
