My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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