OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
