I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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