youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You dont lie about slip and slides
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
