so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
