you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
