dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
