im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
We are all done wearing pants today
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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