He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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