guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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