My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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