You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
