you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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