He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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