This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
