Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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