Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I don't deserve a penis
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize