please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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