Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I have fence marks all over my body
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
