I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
