all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize