I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
