yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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