porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
