I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
