So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
