i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
