We won't sleep together?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
