thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
