I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
