; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
