Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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