He uses pillows to masturbate.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
