Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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