Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize