how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
