haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
