I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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