I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
