I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
