I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
