all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize