He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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