I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
These tits shall not be calmed
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize