Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
