taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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