You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
