I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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