Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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