a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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