No awkward lesbian experiences without me
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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