i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
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