i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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