i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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