Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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