we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
