i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
