batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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