guys are not supposed to queef...right?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
