I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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