make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
