if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
