Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
