Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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