strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
