u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize