I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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