i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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