is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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