I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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