i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I supernannyed him into submission
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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