Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't deserve a penis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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