Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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