my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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