Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
