found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
