On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
