PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I need water and some morals
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
