honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
My bed smells like the plague
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
