guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
