be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
