i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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