I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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